Month: September 2016

Week 37: Johnny-John Ick-Nic (John Wick, Johnny Mnemonic)

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This Week in Film, no Ray, no Tony, but Nick gets a blast from the recent past when super fan Dan comes back to the show!

Then they unintentionally talk about Keanu Reeves movies where he plays a character named John: John Wick & Johnny Mnemonic.

Here is the rundown of this week’s show:
00:00: Show Open & Intro
01:42: I keep asking Dan if he’s back. Well you know what, he is back! Then he talks about John Wick, an awesome Keanu Reeves action movie where he wears a dapper suit.
18:07: Then Nick talks about a terrible Keanu Reeves action movie where he wears a dapper suit, Johnny Mnemonic. There is also a horrifying dolphin in this movie. It’s a half cyborg dolphin. It’ll haunt your dreams.
37:23: We are gonna let last week’s #RaysRayndomRayquest ride for ONE MORE WEEK!
– What’s your favorite sports movie?
37:52: But to keep things fresh, we got a brand new #DansDastardlyQuestDan:
– Can you name a movie you had low expectations for and came out pleasantly surprised?
39:48: Plugs & Show Close

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Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

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Johnny Mnemonic (1995)
Featured in: Week 37
Discussed by: Nick

Click here for Nick’s Week 37 Johnny Mnemonic segment

Entire Week 35 Podcast:

Nick’s Week 37 Johnny Mnemonic Notes  (I’m not fixing any of these typos, you’re welcome):

• 4 years after point break and 4 years before the matrix

• this week I watched Keanu reeves in the 1995 train wreck johnny mnemonic

*This is laughably bad. You have to watch it. It stars Keanu, ice-t, dolph Lund green, Dina Meyer, and of course Henry Rollins is in it playing a doctor. He wears glasses so you can see how smart he is.

*Also the year is 2021. It’s a dystopian future where society has been ruin by the Internet and television.

*Keanu plays a smuggler who has a implant in his brain which allows him to upload classified or confidential information for companies or criminals want to move around. Who ever pays, he works for.

*In order to get this implant they had to remove Keanu’s long term memories, so he doesn’t know who he is. But that doesn’t matter because it hardly comes up except when he’s bored.

*So the movie starts, Keanu gets forced into one last ride but this time there’s trouble. Normally his brain can only hold 180gb of data, but the client needs to move over 300gb.

*Not a problem! Keanu fits it all in his brain, which has to be the funniest looking thing. Afterward he goes to the bathroom to have a seizure, then there’s a gun fight and you realize there’s a whole lot more going on.

• the yakuza who are or are working for a drug company, who created this tech disease called the black shakes want Keanu’s head because he has the cure in it.

*Keanu puts on an amazing disguise of wig and glasses and walks like a robot out of the building and heads to New Jersey, which is a giant dump. Not much has changed in the movie. Jersey slam.

*Because Keanu’s head is overloaded he has about 24 hours to get the data out or his brain will break down or something stupid. So they keep reminding you by having him have a seizure whenever it’s convenient and he needs to take a nap.

*Anyway, Keanu gets double crossed and fights his way out of a bad time. Then he makes friends with ice t. Ice t is the leader of the poor people. They live in what’s left of a bridge because New Jersey is a terrible place and in the future.

*ice t leaves and the Keanu gets captured by the yakuza and then gets rescued by Dina Meyer who plays dizzy in star ship troopers. But let’s just call her felicity because that’s who I thought it was for most of the movie.

*Felicity saves Keanu and she takes him to meet dr Henry Rollins.

*Meanwhile the yakuza are getting pretty mad about this whole thing. So they hire dolph Lundgreen who plays a long hair religious nut named Street preacher, he’s going to hunt down Keanu. Everyone he comes across he kills in some jesusy kind of way.

*The movie goes on for a while and eventually Keanu and felicity meet up with ice t. Ice t says “we can help you, let’s go meet Jones, who is ex military computer hacker”

*Jones is a dolphin. *He’s a dolphin connected to a computer. It’s horrifying. It has red eyes and blast concentrated sonar at people who piss it off.

*Anyway, for whatever reason, the dolphin helps and he and Keanu go into the worst looking CGi internet world in order to hack into Keanu’s mind.

*Then the movie ends. *It was great. I can’t wait to watch it again.

*The movie was directed by Robert Longo who never made another film but I guess he’s a celebrated 1980s artist. According to Wikipedia a bunch of his art is on the walls of Patrick bateman’s apartment in American psycho.

*The movie is very disjointed. Felt like the beginning and end of most scenes were just removed.

*Finally, Keanu’s character is called johnny. But not johnny mnemonic just johnny or johnny smith.

*It was really dumb. I loved it.

John Wick (2014)

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John Wick (2014)
Featured in: Week 37
Discussed by: Dan

Click here for Dan’s Week 37 John Wick segment

Entire Week 35 Podcast:

The Iceman (2012)

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The Iceman (2012)
Featured in: Week 36
Discussed by: Ray

Click here for Ray’s Week 36 The Iceman segment

Entire Week 36 Podcast:

Now You See Me (2013)

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Now You See Me (2013)
Featured in: Week 36
Discussed by: Nick

Click here for Nick’s Week 36 Now You See Me segment

Entire Week 36 Podcast:

Nick’s Week 36 Now You See Me Notes: 
(I’m not fixing any of these typos, you’re welcome):

*directed by the competent Louis leterrier, who did the first couple transporter movies and the under rated Incredible Hulk

• it stars Jessie eisenberg, woody Haroldson, Isla fisher, Morgan freeman, mark ruffalo, Michael Cain. A dynamite cast.

*But This movie was terrible.

• spoiler alert for this movie

*the movie has no main character. You think it’s going to be Jesse Eisenberg, but it’s not. You don’t realize it isn’t him until about 45 minutes into the movie when you notice he hasn’t been on screen for 20 minutes.

*so then you think, oh maybe it’s mark ruffalo. He’s an FBI agent hunting these guys. He’s on screen most of the movie. He’s risking his life. But nope. It’s not him.

*the movie also has no clear antagonist. Is it the four hoursemen, eisenbergs wizard gang? Is it Morgan freeman whose looking to make a lot of money on revealing the magicians secrets? Is it Michael Cain whose a rich guy? Nope. I guess it mark ruffalo because he is the hooded man in the hooded sweatshirt. But why? What the hell was this movie about?

*the movie really feels like a story that was written backwards and they came up with a ridiculous series of twists and turns for no reason other than they had to fill two hours and to try to make the audience think the movie was being clever.

*there was deliberate misdirection with the French interpol lady. But then they don’t even trust the audience to suspect her in the first place, so there is literally a scene where Morgan freeman calls mark ruffalo up to say, “hey maybe she’s working with them”.

*speaking of them. What are the four horsemen even working towards? They don’t know, but blindly follow a series of instructions they are given by a movie. They don’t know why they are committing crimes other than “well it’s got to lead to somewhere”

*this felt like a really cheap knock off of first George Clooney oceans 11. Really confident characters with an objective you just know they are going to achieve and while there are a few hiccups here and there, even the problems end up being all part of the plan. It’s exactly what this movie was going for but fails so bad.

*It fails because we never know who to root for.

*also, the crimes committed are laughably lame. They rob a banker. They rob the rich guy they work for. Then they rob a bank vault. I’m not sure whose that was. But it’s a heist movie that plays to the lowest common denominator.

*its cheap. It’s a movie that attempts to act complicated with its big twists and turns when really all it does it make it up along the way, and then literally have to explain the ending because it doesn’t make any sense.